Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
For the last few months, I've been struggling with the fact that I have made some mistakes and in the process, hurt and have been hurt by people in my life. I just learned that nothing good comes out of talking about others. It always comes back around. And it came around with us and a possible bond was severed. Some days I really don't care because my feelings were hurt.. other days I feel awful and just wish I could go back and fix everything. And I've tried to make things better. Sadly it doesn't always work that way and it this case, it didn't. And just MAYBE it's actually for the best because were we really friends to begin with if there was even a need to gossip behind backs?
I've learned that I wasn't really the best of a friend and I regret it completely... but that's the key. I learned. I've learned what I am looking for in someone I trust my feelings to. I've learned that people who trust me should be able to for a reason and I need to kept that trust. I've learned that things happen for a reason too. And I think for the most part, I've learned too late. Some relationships are toxic... they are relationships of convienance and not of true friendships. They are either give give give or take take take with no happy medium. And I've learned that these are the relationships that either need to change if they are worth being salvaged or ones that need to just fizzle and go our seperate ways.
I never realized the importance of girlfriends in my life until I became a mom and actually needed that companionship of another person(s) who knows my struggles and joys because they themselves are mothers who experience similar situations. And in that realization, I've found that as an adult and as a mother, I need people in my life who build me up... who make me want to be a better wife and mother and friend. Fortunately I have made many friends and aquaintences who do just that and for this, I am truely grateful. I can't expect anyone to only be a crutch for me or I for them and then loosing ourselves in the process.
I was reading a blog and found an entry by a lady named Barbara who basically expressed how I'm feeling about having to just let go. I'm going to copy that for you-- know these aren't my words but they are my feelings.
"This week has also been rather difficult for me emotionally. I had to let go of a long-term relationship, a friendship, which at one time brought much joy and happiness into my life, but sadly has turned sour over the past several months. People can be like plants, in odd ways, and if a relationship is not watered or nurtured, it too can suffer from thirst, its leaves can turn from a bright green to a muted brown, and, like the colorless leaves on the once healthy plant, it too will eventually die.
Sometimes we must let go of people, places and things, even though we still care about them, or harbor good memories, if it turns out that they will provide an unhealthy or toxic element inside of our own lives. Staying free of such compulsions is not easy, and often, the pain of walking away can be very sharp, and pierce a deep wound open inside of one's own heart. Letting go involves surrendering, for our own good, and ultimate peace of mind. Often, we must let go as well to honor and respect the needs of the other person, even if their goals are quite different from our own.
Today, in the middle of all the business involved in my life, I too am trying to walk through the pain of letting go of a friendship that was not healthy for me. This does not mean that I do not feel sad, and I truly miss this person, but sometimes we have to let go to grow, even with the pain and hurt, so we can get to the other side of the rainbow, with the hope that there is still light inside."
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Oh yeah... bad pic but I got glasses after like 5yrs of contacts. I just needed something to shake things up a bit.
Rielly and Seth at his 3rd birthday party!
This is from the night of the tornado warnings. Doesn't look like much but these clouds were going all over the place and it was kinda scary!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
We have just entered into Spring Break days. Nothing different- just normal day to day activities with both kids to drag along. This morning I decided to work off this weekends crap and went to RPM (spin) class. Usually it's a 45min class but not today- I got trapped for a good hr! But I felt good after. My dear friend and IV poker Sarah took Rielly afterwards for me so I could take Reese to his last yucky dentist appt. I may have posted about the appt he had before this one- where he threw the biggest fit ever! He had a different dentist that he just didn't jive with and didn't hesitate to show it. So I requested Dr Carlos for this one. He did Reeses first crown and tooth extraction with no problems and today was no exception. I had a different kid!! Reese did great! So it's Dr Carlos and Nurse Laura from now on! Sarah kept Rielly for the afternoon so Reese and I could just hang out and it was so nice!
Jons job sucks. They are taking away all his overtime which we have become rather dependant on so we're in the process again of job hunting. I feel like we just got here! But it's been almost 3yrs since we moved to GA so that's not too bad. Not saying we're going to be moving anytime soon but it just sucks that Jons miserable- life is too short to hate your job! So keep him in your prayers as we go through the journey of employment:)
I'm watching an Oprah right now about motherhood and how life changes when you become a mother. So I'm reflecting on the changes I went through as soon as I became a mom. I think I have become more lazy as the yrs have gone by. When I was nursing, I would just sit and feed. When I was spoon feeding my kids, I would just sit and feed. When they were old enough to watch tv, we would just sit and watch tv. So I have spent 6yrs sitting! No wonder my butt has grown! And of course intimacy (sorry mom) has changed. It does get better as kids get older but when you have kids hanging on you alllll day, that last thing I want is a husband to do it too. And being a mom is exhausting- emotionally and physically. And I feel I am never good enough and I'm always being judged on how I'm raising my kids. I compare my kids to others when I know I shouldn't. I compare MYSELF to others when I shouldn't. Speaking of comparing- a friend once told me that when we compare, we're comparing our real selves to their fake selves. Meaning when we're out and about, in church, in social settings, etc, we tend to put on our best faces and suddenly become better than we feel.. know what I mean? So how fair is that to compare my typical life and feelings to someone who is on their very best behavior? But that has become a very bad habit of mine as my kids get older and as I get older.
And I beat myself up because I am unable to have another child. What's wrong with me? Why is God blessing these people with another child and not me? What am I doing wrong? Am I not good enough? Why should I be able to have another kid when I feel like I'm screwing up the ones I have? It's an internal battle that I have going on within myself.
Ahhhh the joys of being a mom!
And it is a joy.
And I wouldn't change anything.
And with anything else in life, this to shall pass.
And I love my kids.
And they are mine.
And they make me crazy.
But I guess I always have been crazy.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Because of spring break next week, the kids are celebrating Easter early at their schools. And what's a holiday without goodies for the teachers. I swear they're gonna be tired of me by the end of the yr! But why have all this stuff if I can't share it with others??
So here's what I came up with...
They're simple little treat boxes... you can open up the cover to see who it's from. Instead of glueing the cover closed, I decided to velcro for a cuter effect. I used flock for the egg shell to make it soft. I would have done it the other way and used flock on the duck but sadly I don't have yellow flock.
And here's some recent pics of the kids and us just for fun:)
Guess it's time for a new scare tactic...