Funday Monday

Quick update on my Funday Monday Dr Appt...
but first can I just say something? Of course I can because it's my blog!
Infertility SUCKS!!!
And today I found even more suckiness abt it!
So to me, infertility sucks because well
#1- can't have more kids! Can you imagine wanting something so bad and so much but no matter what you do, you can't have it? It SUCKS!!!
#2- constant questions and well-meaning, yet unwelcome, comments. I've heard it all in the past 4yrs. People who haven't been in this position often times don't know what to say or how to behave and usually end up with the foot in mouth disease and not realize it.
For example:
Yes I know it's all in Gods time. So you don't need to tell me that.. and that it's not my time. That's obvious!
And yes I know it'll happen when the time is right.
And the comment that if you quit trying it'll happen--- It's not true. How do you quit trying? When you're starving, do you just quit trying to eat and hope your tummy will just fill up?
Also don't tell someone who is trying to "just relax". Sure I'll try to sit down, take a breath and hopefully that's going to help my eggs open up and blossom!
A vacation won't help either so don't tell me to take one..although I'd love to right about now! I've taken a vacation with the husband for 2 years and nope.. my uterus is still empty.
I won't get a dog. Getting a dog will not help me get pregnant.
No I'm not ready to start the adoption process. How about you just give me your baby?
Having sex every other day really isn't guaranteed to make it work. But it sure is fun.
I actually do keep my legs up after sex. Very attractive let me tell you.

BUT... I understand it's all well meaning and people really don't know what to say in these situations. I've been there. So I don't really get visibly upset anymore. Because I've heard it all. And tried it all. And we've come to the conclusion that it is out of our hands and it's a medical issue. That sucks.

#3- it's very difficult to find someone who truely understands. I'm worried I'll loose friends over this. People don't want to hear about this. It's depressing! Trust me.. my daily dose of now celexa (I switched) prooves it's depressing. No one wants to constantly hear me whining about it. Just as much as I don't want to sit in a circle of pregnant women talking about morning sickness when I would give anything right now to be throwing up. So it's a catch 22. And I don't know what to do anymore about it....I'm going to loose friends I just know it...people are going to stop wanting to talk to me. It's happened with a few. And that sucks. Because I would give anything to have someone I can cry with.

ANYWHO.....
Went off on a tangent for a bit but here's what I origionally came to post about.
I went and saw a new dr today. Dr Lodge is his name. And I really really liked him. Great bedside manner! So today we began the "process"... tests tests and more tests. Which leads me to:
#4- Infertility sucks because the baby making process is no longer a private matter. They will now be charting everything! Depending on where I'm at on my cycle determines which test they need to take. So today, I'm on day 3 (I have no more secrets guys) and I had to have an ultrasound, exam and blood work done. I'm going back on day 21 to have more blood work done to test my follicules and make sure I ovulated. In the meantime, Jon has to go take a "test" too... I have a feeling his won't be as FUN as mine! *insert sarcasm here*. Then when that's done, we find out where to go from there. If it turns out to be me, some laproscopic shindig will be done to make sure my tubes are clear. Can't wait!!!

The plus side is that there's hope. Whether it's hope in adding on to the Harris clan or hope finding the answers as to why I can't conceive, we are now on the path to knowing what's going on. Even if the answer is no... it will be good to know.

So send good vibes and prayers as we continue through this very difficult and new journey we are going through! Because as hard as it is on me emotionally, it also is hard for Jon and that at times makes it hard on our marriage.