Monday, November 21, 2011

stop stop stop stop STOP!!!!!

I need to stop!
Stop feeling sorry for myself.
I need to stop remembering what was and accept what is.
Now before you start thinking I had some major life change or catastrophe, no worries there.
It's the little things that I'm struggling to stop dwelling on.

Everyday I'm reminded of how I can't run anymore. Or walk long distances for that matter. I used to walk/jog a bit.. heck walking 7-8miles daily wasn't a big deal for me. It was my thing and I loved it.
But here's the ironic thing: it's because of all this stepping that I can't do it anymore. You see- I have a lot of weight being put onto my tootsies and that only sped up the inevitable.


I've always had them. But they never bothered me before. Until one day, I was walking and suddenly it felt like nails being hammered into the bone on the side of my big right toe. And it hasn't stopped since. The bone is always bruised.
So I went to the pediatrist and they told me what I've feared all along. At this point, the only fix is to have them removed. One at a time!

All I know about this surgery is that it's painful and has an 8week recovery period. My pre-op appt is Dec 12th. At that time, we decide when I should have the surgery. Should I do it right away? Or wait until Jan? And how long should I wait until I have the other one done?

It's just so frustrating because walking was my main source of exercise. It's what I enjoyed. And since I stopped, the weight has crept back on. I've found myself struggling to stay upbeat. And this is completely out of my control:(

So HOW do I stop feeling sorry about all this? And how not to get depressed during the first few weeks that I can't walk. Especially during the upcoming holiday season? I know it'll all be worth it but even when all is said and done, I have to start all over. And since I no longer have my walking/training partner/friend to get me started, I'm on my own.

I can't wait to be done stopping...and to once again start!


Amanda said...

Have you ever tried spinning? You should ask your doctor if that is something you could do! I started a month or so ago and I have already seen a change in my body. Plus, it is a lot of fun and you burn A LOT of calories in 45 minutes! Good luck with everything! You will be in my prayers!

Keaven Neely said...

SHannon, I'm new to the walking/running thing, but you've got a partner/friend in me. And anything you need (dirty candy included) just ask. Cheering you up helps cheer me up. ;) Love you.