Friday, December 30, 2011

My baby turned 7!!!

I never imagined I would only have 2 kids. I always assumed coming from a family of 11 kids that I would at least have 4 or 5. But I have been blessed with 2. And yesterday my baby turned 7yrs old! How and when did that happen?
She is beautiful. And spunky. And challenging. And funny. And artistic. And smart. And spastic. And imaginative. And everything I could have ever imagined my daughter to be.. and more!

Happy Birthday Rielly!!

1 week Check-up

Went to my one week post op checkup on Wednesday. Everything is healing nicely. Thank goodness!!! I don't know what I was expecting but seeing my foot caused me a lot of anxiety. Maybe because for 30+yrs, I've had the same shape of foot. Sure- parts have grown and shifted but that's all I've known. What I was seeing wasn't my foot! There was no bone bulging out of the side of my toe. I kept saying "this isn't normal". Jon and Dr Knox both said "This IS normal". Needless to say, I went pale and almost passed out looking at it uncovered.
But eventually, I will have a pretty foot!

This is showing the straight cut next to my big toe and the staple that is holding my toe together.

Here's a closeup of the staple.

My lovely swollen bruised bunionless foot.

My new shoe!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

My first New Yrs resolution...

Change in my surroundings.

I've realize a lot that who/what I surround myself with or who/what I bother to care about in my life can make all the difference in my personality and feelings towards life itself.
This past week, I've done nothing but reflect on the blessings I've been given in my life. I have been stuggling with this recovery but all around me, God has put people in my path that truely care about me and love me and are willing to serve unselfishly. It has been eye opening and very life changing. Those are the people I need to keep in my life and remove all thoughts and cares for those that don't.
That is my resolution #1!
I also don't want to be that person that is a negative nelly in someones life. So maybe by changing my thoughts and surroundings, I'll be able to be let into others lives where I wouldn't have been otherwise. Does that make sense? Enough being the grinch with the heart too sizes too small!!!!
I apologize to all those that I have been a toxic friend to! I promise this is something I'm going to work real hard on. Don't give up on me just yet!!!

I came across an article today about this very thing that I'll share here to serve as a constant reminder to myself.

Discovering and removing the negative influences in our life will help us more than we realize. Studies show that our own thoughts, attitudes and behaviors are a reflection of the people we spend the most time with.

All too often, we are faced with negative people and influences that surround us and affect us as a person, in all areas of our life. “Toxic” people are like vampires . They suck the life and energy right out of you. Toxic people are ultimately the people who cause you the most negative stress in your life. They are the people that make you feel unhappy, or spoil your mood purposely every chance they get.

Toxic people can be a challenge to be around. They will bring you down and drain your energy, and all too often, they will squash any type of lifestyle change YOU are trying to make. Toxic people are just pieces of the obstacle course you will run through in your efforts obtain your nutrition and fitness goals, and they have a detrimental effect on your mental thoughts and mental toughness.

Who wants or needs that?

Toxic people truly believe that they are constantly taken advantage of by others and that bad things are always happening to them. They are often the people who make mountains out of molehills. Toxic people are those who think they are doing something right, by complaining and blowing up almost any situation, whether it is a small issue or a large one.

Amazingly, toxic people believe their negative comments are helping to solve the situation in some way. In addition, they often rely on others to entertain them or make them happy. Even if it’s not other people, they often rely on some kind of outside source to keep them happy. All too often, toxic people find this happiness in social settings with food and drinks, which ends up being a “perfect” setting to express their negativity.

Unfortunately, toxic people are everywhere; just take a moment to look around. Don’t let them take your happiness away or affect your mood. Toxic people only have as much power, control, and impact on our lives that we allow them to have.

Each day, we are faced with a decision and need to say to ourselves, “I can either allow these negative and “toxic” people to ruin my day and my actions for that day, or I can choose to rise above them, completely remove them from my life, or speak motivating words to them and move on!” At that point, it is up to them as to whether they choose to use the motivating words to their advantage or not.

Toxic people need boundaries, and giving them a time limit lets them know you will only tolerate a small amount of negativity. Check your watch, allow them to vent for two minutes, give them some positive words of encouragement and then move away and fill your head with positive affirmations and thoughts as soon as you can!

Transform your energy into positive energy and remove these negative “toxic” people from your life. I realize that these toxic people might include close friends or even family members. Remember, in order for you to reach your goal you must stay focused on the end result , remind yourself what is most important to you, and if your friend or family member can’t support you with your goals, why are they in your life… and do they truly care for you and your well-being?

So, my question to you is: who do you spend the most time with, and do they help you toward your goals or pull you away from them?

So how do I get there??? This is where I will be working the hardest.


Goal #2: No WHINING OR COMPLAINING ABOUT OTHERS OR THINGS BEYOND MY CONTROL(in public anyways... my blog and with my hubby is a different story)

Goal #3: NO CO-DEPENDENCY- this was a big problem for me this year and ended up leaving me hurt and taken advantage of.

Goal #4: NO CROSS CONTAMINATION- just because I'm present in a situation, doesn't mean I need to participate on an emotional level.

Goal #5: NO BEING "HOLIER THAN THOU". I will be avoiding people like this so why would I want to be one myself? By running around thinking I'm better than others will only alienate myself. Get over myself.. I am no better or worse than anyone else!

And what do I wish to achieve by doing this? I will be able to enjoy life and consciously become who it is that I want to be- not who others want me to be! Bridges will be burnt. I am preparing myself for that. There are people in my life sadly that I need to be removed from to avoid drama and heartache. That will be the hardest thing. But as the saying goes... "the ladder of success is never crowded at the top".

Now I just hope that I become the person that people want in their lives... no more the person that was removed.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Recovery mode

After much waiting and anticipation, I went in Wednesday morning for a bunionectomy on my right foot. The surgery itselt was cake. I wasn't as freaked out because my dear friend Regen took me out the night before and hours of girl talk without hearing "MOMMY" in the background did wonders for my anxiety. Anyways all the nurses at Stonecrest were amazing. The IV went in painlessly (first time for me ever!). I went to sleep and woke up a minute later with my foot bandaged up with one less bone.

But that ends the easy stuff. It has been rather painful. At times, excrutiating. Simple tasks like going to the bathroom are dreaded. I know at some point, the pain will end so I'm just pushing through as much as I can right now. Wonderful friends from church have brought over meals which have been so wonderful. Sadly the ones who I would have thought would be more supportive and helpful have been completely non-existant. One in particular who I was there for during some very difficult times really has shown how much my friendship meant to her- apparently nothing. But it just has made me even more grateful to the people in my life who are selfless and kind. Jon has been amazing to me and with the kids. I know this isn't easy for him. Having to help me with the simplest tasks and watching me in pain. I am very blessed to have him by my side!

Next Wednesday I go back to Dr Knox and have the bandages changed and to see how my foot is healing. The week after that, the stitches come out and then he can decide how much pressure I can apply to it. Hopefully get a walking boot and walk without crutches! And 6 weeks later, I should be ready to resume normal activities! And THANK GOODNESS I only have 2 feet! Only one more time will I ever have to go through with this!

So prayers and thoughts for a painfree Christmas and the sanity of my family are much appreciated!
And again a big thanks to all those who have been already praying for me and just being a sounding board for me! Love you all!

So excited to go to the OR- can you tell?



Sunday, November 27, 2011

On the bright side...

I have some pretty cute and awesome kids!!!
Not sure why the pictures are all over the place but what can you do?
Happy Fall Ya'll!!!

Pictures taken by Karen DeFriez DeFriezFrame Photography

I hate depression

Why I hate depression:

It sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
It's a silent menance.
It interferes with my life and completely alters the way I think about things.
It pushes people away.
It makes me doubt myself and others.
I hate knowing I have to be on medication for the rest of my life to keep a bandaid on it.
I hate knowing there's no reason I'm suffering from this- just my unfortunate lot in life.
I hate being unhappy.
I hate smiling and pretending everything is great when inside I'm just blue.
I hate the weight that has crept on while I so desperately want to take it off because of the change in meds..I hate the comments being made abt said weight gain.
I hate that the people who I need the most don't understand why I'm struggling.
I hate waiting for the meds to kick back in after I try to go off them and the dissapointment I feel in myself that I can't go off them.

Because right now I am waiting.

Depression sucks. I don't recommend it.

But..tomorrow I'll be just fine!

Monday, November 21, 2011

stop stop stop stop STOP!!!!!

I need to stop!
Stop feeling sorry for myself.
I need to stop remembering what was and accept what is.
Now before you start thinking I had some major life change or catastrophe, no worries there.
It's the little things that I'm struggling to stop dwelling on.

Everyday I'm reminded of how I can't run anymore. Or walk long distances for that matter. I used to walk/jog a bit.. heck walking 7-8miles daily wasn't a big deal for me. It was my thing and I loved it.
But here's the ironic thing: it's because of all this stepping that I can't do it anymore. You see- I have a lot of weight being put onto my tootsies and that only sped up the inevitable.


I've always had them. But they never bothered me before. Until one day, I was walking and suddenly it felt like nails being hammered into the bone on the side of my big right toe. And it hasn't stopped since. The bone is always bruised.
So I went to the pediatrist and they told me what I've feared all along. At this point, the only fix is to have them removed. One at a time!

All I know about this surgery is that it's painful and has an 8week recovery period. My pre-op appt is Dec 12th. At that time, we decide when I should have the surgery. Should I do it right away? Or wait until Jan? And how long should I wait until I have the other one done?

It's just so frustrating because walking was my main source of exercise. It's what I enjoyed. And since I stopped, the weight has crept back on. I've found myself struggling to stay upbeat. And this is completely out of my control:(

So HOW do I stop feeling sorry about all this? And how not to get depressed during the first few weeks that I can't walk. Especially during the upcoming holiday season? I know it'll all be worth it but even when all is said and done, I have to start all over. And since I no longer have my walking/training partner/friend to get me started, I'm on my own.

I can't wait to be done stopping...and to once again start!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

*sigh*... hi remember me??

I just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive!!!
I have so much to post about but let's be honest-I probably won't. I have gotten so lazy with it though!

So a few higlights:
-School started
-PTO keeps me busy! (Fall Festival.. holy moly!!)
-Foot surgery in December for bunion removal
-Quick weekend to Mammoth Caves, KY
-7 day cruise to Western Carribean and kids going to Disney during fall break
-Getting ready to go to Az for brothers wedding
-Vegas in December for a 1/2marathon I can't run

I'll post pics soon I promise!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

I needed this today...

And maybe you do too.

It's hard... but it has to be true right?

PS- This is how I want to be! :

Do the things you talked about doing but never did. Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don't be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no so your yes has some OOMPH! Spend time with friends that lift you up and cut loose the ones that bring you down. Stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. Finally, know who you are. ~Kristin Armstrong

Man.. this is really who I want to be!!!! And now is the time to do it.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Ballet? My kids?

Not sure if I had mentioned this before but last school yr, the School of Nashville Ballet gave an incredible opportunity to a few schools in the metro school district to have kids try out for a full yrs scholarship to study ballet.
SO I figured why not?? So I took the kids down to west end and after waiting forever, they took them back to do who knows what ballet folks do and that was that. I never thought they'd get it but A few months later, we get letters saying both kids were accepted. Being the boy that he is, Reese said no but Rielly was and is thrilled!

So next Saturday, Rielly starts ballet "study" here:

Because of the school that it is, they are pretty serious and strict. They produce professionals and expect excellence. No tardys. Complete uniforms. No talking. Etc Etc Etc.
And those things are the least of my concerns!

My fear is how I'm going to turn this:

Into this:

They even gave me a bun kit...
heaven help us all!