Friday, December 4, 2009

Slacking again...not a happy post

I really haven't had much to post about these days. There's so much I want to write but can't but I will say I have learned things lately that have absolutely changed my outlook on life. I have been dissapointed beyond belief.
****just so you know.. this all has nothing to do with my husband****
A part of me is broken.. a bond that I have held on to for 30yrs. The rope that at one time was so strong and that has sadly weakened throughout the yrs is now barely being held together by a thread- if that. And I don't think I want to hang on anymore. My heart is broken. I will admit I am extremely stubborn and I have a hard time letting things go and I say things that maybe should be left unsaid and I get myself in trouble- I am in trouble. But theres a time and a place when situations shouldn't be brushed under the rug. When things AREN'T best left unsaid and ignored. And I can't agree with something that I was raised to avoid... I can't agree with something that I feel with every fiber of my being isn't right. And because of this, I have no choice but to say goodbye to what I guess was just a fantasy... I have to say goodbye to this idea of having a roll model and now just see the shell of someone I used to know who has become someone I don't want to know.

I am sad. and hurt. and dissapointed. and angry. Not just for me but for my children and for those that are waiting for their chance at eternal happiness.

The up side is that I am seeing more and more everyday how wonderful my husband is. I sure have taken him for granted for the last 8yrs. But he truely is an amazing man. And I am so lucky to have him in my life. He is so good to me and I love him so much. I have made mistakes and have been stupid before but I know that he is the one meant for me and that because of the promises we made and because of everything we have, I will do everything that I can to not jeopardize our happily ever after. I would say I will never do anything... but sadly what I have learned lately is to never say never. And that people will dissapoint those they claim to love the most.

7 comments:

Kenningtons said...

I feel your pain, girl! It is SO HARD to see someone you look up to and have such high expectations of make a mess of their life. Especially when they KNOW better!! I hope the going gets a little easier for you! It's great how you can see the positive in such a trying time.

feathersky said...

:::HUGS::: Hang in there!

burkfamily1 said...

I'm so sorry for your hurt. :( Please know I'm thinking of you.

Amanda said...

i heart you

KK & Company said...

I'm sorry you are hurting. But just so you know, I am so happy that you moved here. You keep everyone laughing and are so much fun to be around. Thank you for playing for me on Sat. It was great!! I'll see you soon.

Shawna said...

It's hard to deal with life sometimes. Hang in there!

Christy Jett said...

love you girl! You are in my prayers.

I received your Christmas card and it is a good reminder to you of what a loving husband and beautiful children you have.

Wish you were here so I could give you a big hug!