Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Response to a big meanie head!

Disclaimer... keep in mind this is my blog and my personal feelings and I have the right to post pretty much what I want. It may not always be pretty much it is what it is. I'm kinda childish and stubborn that way.

So a few weeks ago, Jon and I had many back and forth emails from someone that at one time had the potential to be very close to our family and a big part of our childrens lives. It got ugly and I just wanted to publicly defend myself in some of the things that were said about my family because this person didn't bother really reading them in the emails that were sent.

First of all... I was told that I have an addiction to texting. I don't disagree. I text. A lot. But do you know I hate talking on the phone? Like I have a real issue with it. I'll do it if its someone I need or want to talk with but it's a rare thing and only with a few people. I would rather txt what I need and get it over with. But this person took it too far saying I ignore my children and I'm niglecting them because I'm too busy texting.... I do not ignore my children! I couldn't if I wanted to (and there are times I reallllly want to!)!!!! They have always come first. I'm not a niglectful parent because I text someone. And I was told I have missed so much of their lives due to my texting. Okay.. this person sees us MAYBE once a yr if that!!! Who's missing out here?!?!?

And then they went on to say that in conference, we were told that texting, facebook and BLOGGING are bad and cautioned us against them. SAY HUH?? Blogging?!?!? I can see facebook and texting being tools of evil in some cases. But my blog?!?!? SO I kind of had to laugh. They don't even read my blog!

Then we were compared to other members of this persons family. About how they hurt them too but those people are so good that they never say anything about it and how I should be more like that. Okay first off, I am me. No one else. I don't know the person I was being compared to either. I don't like being compared to others. Because we are all different and handle situations differently. I kind of like it that way. So the issue apparently was not that this person hurt others. No not at all. It was because I reacted to it and defended my children. Silly Silly me!!!

We (or I.. not sure who she was talking to at this point) were told that because we expressed our concerns about how our kids should be handled by this person, we are unforgiving and very un-Christlike and very hurtful. And because we don't force our kids to make pictures for or call these people, in turn they don't bother contacting them. We are also terrible examples to our kids and not doing them any service by being so. Okay let's look at our terrible example shall we?
*Temple Marriage
*attend all our church meetings and hold callings
*stay out of debt
*family home evenings
*strive to always be on time
*express our love for each other many many times a day
*put our childrens needs well above our own
*etc, etc, etc
My poor poor children!!! Sure we aren't perfect. Not by a long shot and never once have claimed to be. But we are working our butts off to ensure our kids have a happy and healthy life!

At this point, I turned it over to Jon because I knew I would say something I would regret. That was me trying to keep it decent on our end. And if you know my husband, he would never intentionally hurt anyone and he has an amazing way with words. So he basically responded in a manner that wasn't bashing. He expressed again the concerns we had with how our children were treated (they weren't treated bad mind you- just this persons interactions with them weren't very responsible for an adult) and he also tried to move forward and come up with a way we can all be in better communication and how they can be more of a part in our families lives and visa versa. He took much of the blame for how close we all AREN'T and the purpose of his email was to try to fix it.

Wellllll... this person must not have read his email because he was then attacked. Basically told him that no matter how much they hurt us, we are required to forgive every time.
Okay yes forgiveness is important. It's the Christlike thing to do. So we can forgive. But we don't have to keep putting ourselves in that position to have to forgive OVER AND OVER AND OVER again! I always thought that true repentance is acknowledging the mistake and promising to never do it again, right? And then it's forgiven and we all move on.. right? Maybe I'm just bonkers. So how many times does this person(s) have to continually hurt our family, make us feel like we are less than important, compare us constantly to others and let down my children before we finally just say screw it all?!?!? Sadly I think we have gotten to that point which was the whole purpose of the communication in the first place. We forgive.. knowing full well we will be having to do it again next time. So it's a constant cycle and yet we are the ones in the wrong for finally deciding enough was enough.

So anyways it ended up with this person saying they want nothing to do with us and our kids will suffer because of it. Yeah because they will miss the yearly token pay attention to them for a few hrs... Then she went on to call Jon childish and selfish (say what???). How is he childish and selfish??? He even stated that all he wanted was some of their time for our family.. no money, no gifts, JUST TIME! And that's selfish? She also told him that he is a whiny child who expects everyone to
"cowtail" around him. Seriously?? We were also told that in the bible, it says our own family will turn against us in the last day. I'm not familiar with that... can anyone find for me where it says that? All I can find was the hearts of the children will turn to their fathers... so quite the opposite. Help me out here! And it ended to say stay our of their lives and it will be a relief to not have our family around (yeah because we are around so much).

We were pretty much blown away by this to be honest. We were in the wrong over and over again for defending each other. I guess I have no clue what I'm supposed to do then when someone hurts those I love?

The saddest thing about this was the person who was going off over and over again was NOT the one person that Jon was mainly talking to about trying to fix their relationship. He emailed that person directly and got nothing. Even asked if he really wanted Jon and our family out of his life.. again nothing. Can't call him because he doesn't answer his phone. So who knows if that person has even read the emails back and forth because any normal and logical person could see the intent of them.

Just goes to show you that even though blood may relate a person, it doesn't make them family.

Congrats if you made it this far. I just needed a chance to defend myself and my family and since this is my journal so to speak, this is where I put it. Since they said they (and when I say they, it really means HER) don't care for the blogging and it's not good enough, it doesn't make much of a difference anyways.


Kris said...

Hmmmm....this sounds remarkably similar to some things I've had to deal with before- both with friends & family. I say run! Run & don't look back on those that will make you feel this way.

Love you!

Chad and Laura said...

I read it :) / :( I understand . . . completely . . . how you feel. You have no idea. It will be kinda hard. It's always hard when you know there is someone out there who thinks something about you that you feel is so very, very innaccurate. Good thing that's what it is, though. Innaccurate :) And you have a wonderdful family for love and support :) Hang in there. These things tend to come from those who are truly struggling. She'll work it out in time. I promise!

DP Renshaw said...

Sorry to hear that happened. Although, you're better than me in your situation. Sometimes I just wish I could cut all communication with the people in our lives that have created a similar relationship and I just don't want to have to put in the effort anymore. At least you gave them the opportunity to recognize what it is that hurts you and your family so that they can make the change and become closer to you. The saddest part is the kids and knowing how they're being effected by those people's attitudes and actions. At least Reese and Rielly will know that that isn't the way you and Jon will be acting towards others, and then they'll know that they shouldn't be that way either. So the cycle will stop. That's what I tell myself in our situation anyway. I really hope that someday down the road they'll be able to see what they're missing out on and make the changes necessary to be apart of your guy's life.

Cait said...

Jeremy and I had to deal with something remarkably similar lately, only instead of religion it was over POLITICS of all ridiculous things. :/

So I'm really sorry you guys had to go through this. I know you're both wonderful parents and good people, so I can't imagine anything this person said was at all earned. :(

Boo to meanie heads, I say!