Friday, February 26, 2010

Please go back to being little?!?!?

Being a mommy is hard!
Yesterday I experienced probably the most heart wrenching day I have had as of yet in my motherhood yrs. My heart was broken for my little boy.

He goes to 1st grade at an elementary school here in the metro Nashville school district. I have been happy with them so far but now my mommy emotions have taken over. He rides a bus the mile or so to school which is very convienant for me. But yesterday he gets off the bus very very VERY upset with red marks on his face. Apparently a BIG BOY (a 3rd grader) formed a "club" and the purpose of this club is to beat my son up. WTH?!?!?!? So this 3rd grader sits right across from Reese. Needless to say, there was a little fight and he got hurt. Not bad but some marks on his face. When he told me about this, he was so worried that he was going to get in trouble. And my heart broke in a thousand pieces! Of course some of the kids that were also involved has a great mom that doesn't put up with it one bit either and those kids won't be doing it again but my concern is this 3rd grader and why he wants to hurt my son so bad? And then he was telling me about another kid who was teasing him about his shoes. And I ask you... where was the bus driver?!?!?!? These kids all sit in front and she just ignored this? When I send my kids to school, I am entrusting these adults with his LIFE! And she just ignores fighting like that? So I sent him back on the bus which just about KILLED me. The protector in me wants to grab him, walk him to class and be there by the door when the bell rings but I can't do that. I need to give them a chance to make it right. I wrote a letter to the driver basically explaining what happened and where the heck was she and if Reese continues to sit by these kids, I will pull him off the bus and take the problem to the school administration.
You see... I am ultra sensative about this kind of stuff. I was teased in school so much to the point where it physically pained me to get up in the morning and will myself to go. Because I knew that it was going to happen. My parents did all they could but the teachers weren't helpful at all. And this continued until around my HS yrs. I was teased because of my upturned nose. Now how in the heck is that my fault??!?!? I didn't get to choose what nose I would get so why did i have to suffer day after day because of it? And the sad thing is these kids that didn't probably never thought about how this would affect me throughout my whole life! It has been a struggle to ever truely feel like I can fit in with anyone and I have had to work to gain whatever confidence and self-esteem I have because in the back of my head, I still hear those taunts. I made choices I regret because I wanted to be accepted.

I don't ever want my children to share that same fate.

Reeses prayer this morning was "please don't let (boys name) have his club".

Yes Heavenly Father... please don't.

So I cried. Not in front of him. I am strong with him. But I cried. Because I know it hurts. He's so young but it has to hurt. And I just want to hold him and protect him from the mean harsh world that awaits him. I know I can't.. but oh how I wish I could. Where is this bubble I can put over him to shield him from the bullies? And why are kids bullies anyways? Is it a cry for attention themselves? A way to make them feel better? I guess the good thing that came out of what I went through is that I could never EVER intentionally hurt the feelings of someone else.

Anyways today, I want my babies to just be little. To stay innocent. I want to hold them longer. And will never let a day go by without telling them how special they are. And how much they are loved. I will do everything in my power to make sure they know they are truely Children of God.


Cori said...

That makes me so sad! And that is one of the reasons my kids don't ride the bus until they are older. That and my control freakishness. That sounds serious enough you shouldn't wait until next time to go to the school. I hope the boy doesn't have his club anymore either!

burkfamily1 said...

That's horrible! I can't believe the driver ignored it! I sure hope things get better. It's sad how people can do things like that. I got teased a lot in grade school and I too still see the lasting effects of that. I'm with you - I want my children to grow up happy and well-adjusted. I hope it works out fine.

Chad and Laura said...

Shannon, I know exactly what you mean. I think kids found any way they could to tease other kids when I was young (at least that is what I tell myself to make myself feel ok). I DO wonder what that 3rd grader's life is like . . . sad. Funny thing is, how far back would you have to go for your kids to be safe? I went VTing this morning and all three boys seemed to team up on my little 22 mo-old. But, sometimes she is the bully . . . Being a mom is hard stuff. I can't imagine the feelings Heavenly Father feels when he looks down and sees his children doing all the terrible things they do to each other. I am learning this hurt right along with you! (As if that were a consolation!) Hang in there cause kids are SO resilient!

Kenningtons said...

So sad!! Poor Reese...the boy must be terrified of that 3rd grader now. Maybe the 3rd grader gets beat up at home?? In my experience teaching it seemed like the kids who were violent were acting out what was going on in their home either directly or through videos/movies/tv they watched or games they played. How heart-wrenching that must be for you as a mom! I am right there with you in wishing I could always protect the young one. You are right, being a mom is SO HARD sometimes!!

Becca Sue said...

That is so sad! That is one reason I hesitate to send Emily on the bus next year, but living across the river, it's just more convenient. We'll see how it goes. I hope everything works out for Reese.

Kris said...

This is breaking my heart! I think I might make my own "club" & stand by the bus stop just to scare the crap out of that 3rd grader. Punks like that need to be dealt with in a language they can understand. Freak- I'm not a mama bear at all, am I?

Let us know how things go for him!

tenney_fam said...

I'm am so sorry that you guys had to go through that.Sounds like you handled it better than I would have. I am always praying that my kids are never on either end of that but they have to go through hardships to know the happy I guess. Too bad we can't just keep them at home forever!

Nathan & Michelle Watabe said...

Shannon, I've cried those mommy tears too. There are two boys (in our ward -- which is even sadder) who go to school with him and often won't let him play with them at recess. When he tells me about it, it breaks my heart. Like you, I didn't cry in front of him, but definitely cried about it. You just wish you could be there to teach them how to stand up for themselves.